Useful information

1.  Funerals will always be conducted to the highest possible standards of delivery and appropriateness and will attempt in every way to reflect the needs and wishes of the client.

2.  The celebrant will base the tribute on factually correct information and will routinely drawer on more than one source of information.  Celebrants will regard seeking information from friends, colleagues etc. as normal

3.  Celebrants will use their interpersonal skills and literary ability to win the trust of clients and set down, in appropriate and correctly composed English, a text, which commemorates and/or reflects a life with integrity and accuracy.

4.  The celebrant should conduct the funeral ceremony calmly, audibly and with dignity.

5.  Members of the family or personal circle of the deceased will always be encouraged to participate.

6.  Funerals will always be delivered from a full written text, which will include any contributions from others. A copy of this, including contributions from others, will always be offered to the client.

7.  Funerals will be based, wherever possible, on a face-to-face meeting with the client, which will normally be held at a family home. Celebrants should leave details of intended home visits with a relative or colleague in advance, for security purposes.

8.  Celebrants will always arrange with the funeral director the order in which the celebrant, funeral director, coffin, family group and the mourners enter the chapel or process to the graveside.

9.  Celebrants will not conceal the number of funerals they have conducted and will refrain from telling the clients about other funerals they have conducted.

10.At cremations, the celebrant will provide the relevant chapel staff with a music cue sheet or use an agreed method, enabling the prompt and correct use of music during the ceremony.

11.Celebrants will make it clear to funeral directors and clients they type of ceremony that they offer.

12.Celebrants will not use their access to clients to promote products or paid services in any other occupation, or other interests, philosophies, religious or other beliefs or voluntary commitments they may have.

13.Funeral celebrants will seek to establish and maintain good working relationships with staffs of local crematoriums, local cemeteries and local funeral directors.  As celebrants will often work to tight timescales, they will liaise effectively and efficiently with funeral directors, cemetery and crematorium staff.

14.Celebrants will follow social custom in dress for formal occasions but dressing wholly in black is not required as a matter of course.

15.Celebrants will be punctual when meeting with clients, funeral directors and crematorium and cemetery staff as well as conducting funerals. If unforeseen or emergency events dictate the celebrant’s late or non-attendance to a funeral, a colleague will be informed or the ceremony script forwarded to the venue, ensuring that every effort is made to provide emergency cover.

16.Funeral celebrants will encourage funeral directors to pay them on invoice rather than by cash.

17.Celebrant should normally follow custom in being available to thank family and guests as they leave. It may be appropriate to spend a short period with the attendees on the crematorium grounds or near the graveside, but celebrants will not normally accept invitations to attend any gathering that follows the funeral.

18.Celebrants will not express any criticism of any other celebrant, client or any person working within the funeral industry.

19.Funeral celebrants will respect the confidentiality of all information received in the course of their work and will treat clients and those working within the funeral industry with courtesy and respect.

Grieving is complex and involves a whole succession of feelings, which take a while to work through and cannot be rushed.  While we associate grieving with dealing with the loss of a loved one, it is clear that people who have stillbirths or miscarriages or have lost young babies, grieve in the same way.  They are also in need of the same sort of care and consideration.

In the short time following the death of someone close, most people feel stunned and struggle to process that it has actually happened. There may be a sense of emotional numbness as they work through informing friends and relatives and getting the funeral process started. For many people, visiting the person before the funeral may help them accept the death.  Similarly, the funeral service itself is another way of letting it sink in and say goodbye.

Once the dust settles, many people are faced with a sense of yearning for the dead person. This makes it difficult to relax, focus and sleep properly. Other people may grow very angry during the grieving phase– they may blame doctors, nurses for not preventing the death or relatives for not doing enough while they were alive. 

Another common feeling is guilt. They might have a running conversation in their head about all the things they should have said to the person before they died. Some people may feel guilty for feeling relieved that they died if they were suffering from a painful or distressing illness. 

This feeling of agitation is usually strongest about two weeks after the death but is often followed by times of sadness or depression, withdrawal or silence. Friends and relatives may find this difficult to deal with but it is part of the normal process of dealing with grief.

As time passes, the intense pain of early bereavement begins to fade. People start to think about other things and look towards the future. Despite this, feeling of loss never goes away entirely and reminders such as dealing with other couples together may be difficult to deal with. Some people feel as if a part of them is always missing.

The final phase of grieving involves letting go. Energy levels return to normal, the depression passes and you will be able to sleep again. It marks the start of a new phase of life. Having said that, there is no “standard” way of grieving.  We are all individuals and handle death very differently.

Support and advice

Talk to your GP about what you are going through or one of the valuable voluntary or religious organisations.  Friends and relatives who bring comfort are helpful too. This also gives the bereaved person a chance to talk about them and cry and remember them at anniversaries or festive occasions. For those who have lost people through terminal illness, many hospices will offer a free bereavement support.  If you need additional support, the organisations listed below may help.

Bereavement Advice Centre

Helpline: 0800 634 9494 It offers advice on all aspects of bereavement from registering the death and finding a funeral director through to probate, tax and benefit queries.

Breathing Space Scotland

Helpline: 0800 83 85 87.  Experienced advisors available to listen and give advice and information to those who are depressed and need to talk.

Child Bereavement

Support and Information Line: 0800 02 888 40.  A national charity which helps grieving families and the professionals who care for them.

Cruse Bereavement Care

Helpline: 0844 477 9400

Email: helpline@cruse.org.uk

Supports people after the death of someone close.  Face to face and group support delivered by trained bereavement support volunteers across the UK.